The Screwed Up Feminist

The journey has never been easy for  women who struggled to achieve what they wanted. Should I call it transcending a restrictive upbringing to pursue what means more to us ? Or is it about fighting back with stealth, stubbornness and sarcasm?  

26, educated, and working as a techie for about 4 years now, yet things have not proved much beneficial on grounds of my literacy, job, or being a popular blogger in my small circle of friends and colleagues. Certain struggles have been really staggering , and this piece of blog should be nothing but a searingly honest account of the battles silently fought , the pains endured and the strength acquired.

Someone said it right. It is hard to be a woman. You must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl, and work like a horse. A veneer of sophistication and glamour is naturally associated with ladies. No wonder, women have earned good places in the corporate hierarchy of the respective professions. Having achieved all of that, today women are encouraged to function in an increasingly compartmentalized, unnatural fashion. Outside home we are encouraged to use our brains to serve the corporate world, and inside home there is a plethora  of domestic work besides mothering a child, husband and the family. A woman’s body is designed to function in a certain way, which includes fertility, and  healthy cycles, deviation from which might surprise a major part of the society when the result is not as expected.  It is unknown that, a disruption from the normal biological manifestation has never made anyone less of a woman. 

While women need appreciation as a whole-both mind and body, all I see is dogmatism running errands about a woman’s self-esteem and worth, bringing them down. There is much more about a woman, than her body. How many of us talk about marriages falling apart because of Endometriosis! A disease hitting one out ten women in America and growing at an alarmingly high rate in India. Is it the sterile aesthetics and plasticized beauty, or the taboo around woman’s physiological problems that has taken the focus far away from the authentic empathy for the pained?

What more? I am a feminist, and I am screwed.

I idealize about how the length of my clothes should not judge my moral character, but I have nothing to do and only negotiate with my feminist ideologies when the bus conductor stares at the peeking pink bra strap, with boggling eyes and shyly cover them.

I want to be unapologetic about the fact that I work as hard as any male bread earner, amidst a lot of men, competing with them and that there is a lot of struggle each day navigating the patriarchy. But I cannot shun the ones who ogle, label me as bossy, demanding, over ambitious. A male counterpart doing the same thing, is heralded for his authoritative skills.

In the domestic domain, as a daughter/daughter-in-law, as a wife, or as a mother I wish to be more vocal, because I am the one rolling round chapattis, mothering my child, cooking, cleaning, feeding, balancing my outside world with my family, when not a day passes by without being pushed and shoved in a crowded bus, on way to work. I wish to raise my girls teaching them  gender equality, to think liberally, to be aware, and modest. 150 years of a lot of Feminism! And I still see myself being socially challenged by the system, that dictates the way women ought to dress, walk, work, and talk. Hypocritically, I cannot be unremorseful, and only feed my future generation with the explanation to dress in an ‘un-provocative’ manner to avoid unwanted attention, and to be back home on time!

I would have nothing much to opinionate, if the man of the house wishes to refrain carrying out certain domestic roles. And all this only to avoid a conflict in the house. Being a loving parent or spouse has never been gender specific!

I am defiant that being cat called is not being complimented but objectification of a human in its core sense. It is 9 pm by the watch, and I am walking past a dark North Kolkata by-lane. Am I left with any blatant option other than ignoring and pacing up to reach home real fast?

So my dear women, it is time to button up, unstitch your hemline atleast knee length, get ready to confront a society that has disbelief in empathy, and ethics, take those khadi kurtis out of our closet and put your summer gowns away, stop PMSing and start adoring your monthly cramps because the world is a fair place, and yes if you are feminist, you are fucked up!

Feminism

I believe I am in a very feminine mood today. People have a notion that it is an oxymoron to be a Feminist Girly Girl. The same girl could wear high heels with a flowy evening dress who teams flats  with her trousers and shirts in boring shades of black and grey, to work every single morning. Smoky eyes looks perfect on the same woman who wears the eye liner clean. Having a floral print on the laptop cover does not merely mean, she is unaware of the machine configurations. We add a liner if our lips our not of the perfect shape. We put a foundation to make our skin look flawless. That doesn't make us plastic or fake. Every woman is pretty, and she has the right to look beautiful. Looking good enhances our confidence. We love Bob Dylan. We love Hotel California too. Trying to be a feminist by looking unclean is not right way to be so. And  let me put a full stop to the idea that being girly construes that with weakness or lack of intelligence. It is okay to be a feminist-girly girl. It is just that a woman tries to perfect herself, while men stick to whatever they have. Now I am not being a female chauvinist by pointing that out. Chauvinism is a different issue altogether, and I don't want to bring it in the current topic of my blog.

 In a culture such as ours that is obsessed with image and categorizing people, it’s often assumed that in order to be a “true feminist,” you must reject things like shaving, wearing make-up or noisy heels, being heterosexual, enjoying the company of males, or being a stay-at-home mom. For me, feminism isn’t about the physical, it’s about the spiritual. Do I have your attention now!!? Feminism and femininity can always go together. We need not reject one to have the other. The society is largely influenced by the mainstream media that upholds the triteness of feminism and women being portrayed as bitchy, catty, stupid, submissive. Feminism, as they show it, is another prop of desire, in advertisement. Yes, it is about objectifying women in the media. Do we need more proof?? Google Playboy !

To make my point clear, the Feminist philosophy argues that no women should be oppressed under any circumstances irrespective of her chromosomes, color, race, ethnicity.  I can rise up early, ready my kids for school, dress up perfectly for my office, do my work with all the precision needed, and come home and cook for my family, and doing all that while still looking nice, doesn't prove that I am not a feminist. I still know to stand up for my rights, because first I am a human being and then a woman. So I guess the eternal fight to establish feminism as freedom.. justice.. and equality continues in a gender biased society.