Flashback

Every silence is made up of a network of minuscule sounds that envelops it. And every solitude, is made up of fragmented togetherness that surrounds you. It is night. Late in the night. The white and blue radio cabs are yet to take over the city. Hues of yellow-blue taxis predominate the eastern Bypass roads. The one I am sitting in, is playing Md.Rafi singing a cheerful Shammi Kapoor number on the radio. The lonesome honks of the few aged taxis and rusted buses, behind, disturbed my thoughts. The traffic sergeant at the Science city crossing once helped me find the direction to some exam center during my college days, few years back. A fleeting glimpse of the sergeant did not help me decipher if it was the same man. The taxi headlights caressed those dimmed streets of my city, I once crossed daily. Is it nostalgia that overruns me everytime I come back to this place? Or is it what you call ecstasy... the eternal pleasure that I get sinking into the depth of this city's enormous couch? Or is ecstasy a long forgotten song sung by mother when young? Is it meeting a long lost high school friend, amazed at the sight of her vermillion between the parting of her hair, suddenly realizing we have grown up? Or is it memories of occupying the first row in the classroom, and sneezing repeatedly every time the Hindi teacher banged on the table with her duster? From Tagore's rejection of Knighthood, to Ganguly's bare-chested jersey-waving victory, to irreplacable and untimely loss of film maker Rituparno Ghosh... all that we live with is memories. 

 

My mind fleets to the lazy afternoon in the now-shuttered College Street, where once I bargained on tons of second hand grad-school books, that I leafed through only a couple of weeks before the exam. Rest of the year was kept for the infamous "adda" over "cha and toast". Another, brake jerked me to consciousness. The taxi drove past the lane I was visiting about 7 years back, twice a week, while in school for English tuition. She was in her late 60s. One post on a social networking forum, about 3 months ago, read that she was no more. Cancer devoured her. Death is so strange; stranger than life. One moment you are alive. The next moment you' re gone.
Every shut sweet shop, and every dark lane I crossed reminded me of those rare visits to "mamabari" in South Kolkata. Getting ready to go out with mother was associated with her soft silk sarees, the smell of old naphthalene when she pulled them out from the steel wardrobe, piles of old photo albums, some of the oldest ones being ingested by arthropods..... layered frocks for children that was in style, and ofcourse, the joyous tram ride. My mind was flooded with childhood memories, associated with this city, the ancient aroma locked in those almirahs and the tiny world that every child lives in, called, Mother.

While my eyes were about to shut after the day's hectic schedule, light from a heading car blinded me, followed by screeching brakes. The awfully narrow alley leading to my home it was, and neither vehicle had way to pass. While the drivers screamed at each other, a man, who resembled a friend of mine came out of the cab to make way. Yes, I knew him. Alokesh Mitra, the geekiest of my batch in school, it was. He was heard to be a medico, practicing in Pune, now. As I yelled out waving at him, he smiled and came close. And after exchanging few anecdotes from our common past, he took off his black cap, that surprised me with his shaved head. "My father passed away.. I am returning from the crematorium, performing his last rites...". It was time to depart. He took out a pack of Gold Flakes from his pocket, lit one and aired it, as the smouldering smokes of agony slowly disappeared into the air.

 

Matrimony Satire

Going through Matrimonial advertisements is an experience by itself, each of them reflecting a gamut of human emotions - humor, greed, conceit, avarice, sympathy - cleverly hidden under beautifully worded statements. The utter eccentricity unintentionally portrayed in such ads, has surely given this bunch of most

eligible spinsters(me and my roomies) a good laugh at the end of 12 hours of daily corporate shit, if not a good match. The long list of criterion placed for a woman in this marriage market, abuzz with requirements of the likes of height of Deepika , fair like Katrina, figure like Ileana d Cruz.... and so on. One such ad on an

internet matrimony profile made me laugh my gut out.

To begin with, if it was not in some bla bla matrimony.com, one could easily mistake it for an ad on Olx, where this 5ft 11inches techie from calcutta has been looking for a smart phone with customized features.

Even a gadget critic would go lenient while reviewing a new launch. In addition to the 'slim-fair-tail-smart girl' idiom, that has conquered the first line of such ads since decades, his suitable better half is expected to be "Soft","Romantic","Sweet". All of them put together would necessarily make a good music composition if not a good prospective bride.

Now let’s get to the irony of the idiom 'slim-fair-tail-smart girl':
“Fair” - It means, if you are wheatish/dark, you need not respond to this ad. Irrespective of how the groom looks, a social marriage in India begins and ends with the criticism of how the bride looks; the skin tone to be specific. The stereotypical Indian belief that “fair is beautiful” has led to a presumed hierarchy of individuals with “fair” complexion. And when it comes to such marriages, despite all the highly qualified aunts and uncles in his family, a wheatish bride is bound to be criticized upon; which is socially not acceptable by such morons.

“Slim-n-tall”: Despite that huge jelly-belly, the groom has wobbling out all the way, a slim wife is what he likes to carry around, making proud social introduction with his family and friends.

 “Convent-educated”, “homely girI”: It means, she is supposedly a non-lesbian, virtuous, virgin.
And a “homely girl” is expected to be happy with a vacuous domestic life, cook for the family all day, repeatedly beg the guy for anything she wants, and is ready to spend the rest of  her life  tutoring their kids. 

And here comes the cherry on top. "It would be great if she possesses a good singing voice and would listen to me...and Hope she also possess some interest in Cricket and Football like me ”. Introducing the new smart phone, that entertains you with its 15GHz dual speaker, its  pre installed apps like CrickBuzz and StarSportsMob to help you catch live cricket and football matches. The phone's excellent voice recognition capacity would make it listen to you and follow your orders.. #LMAO

Such rib-tickling ads  are worth ridiculing specially when you get a chance to assess the advertiser on similar

scales. Lot of these brides/grooms/their families still could not decide if they are looking for a life partner or a house keeper or a money making machine...!

And here is a list of a few ads you will "laugh":
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this….. ;-)

"I want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework"
(Dude, did you just say homework??)


"I love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok"
(Girls, Ok??)

"HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD
AND CCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE

1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH."
(Hey Reader, how dare you not laugh at this???) :D


And finally,

"To be married on feb-2015 working woman perferable”
(Wow! this guy has fixed his marriage date too! But yet to find a bride.. Any takers???)