Going through Matrimonial advertisements is an experience by itself, each of them reflecting a gamut of human emotions - humor, greed, conceit, avarice, sympathy - cleverly hidden under beautifully worded statements. The utter eccentricity unintentionally portrayed in such ads, has surely given this bunch of most
eligible spinsters(me and my roomies) a good laugh at the end of 12 hours of daily corporate shit, if not a good match. The long list of criterion placed for a woman in this marriage market, abuzz with requirements of the likes of height of Deepika , fair like Katrina, figure like Ileana d Cruz.... and so on. One such ad on an
internet matrimony profile made me laugh my gut out.
To begin with, if it was not in some bla bla matrimony.com, one could easily mistake it for an ad on Olx, where this 5ft 11inches techie from calcutta has been looking for a smart phone with customized features.
Even a gadget critic would go lenient while reviewing a new launch. In addition to the 'slim-fair-tail-smart girl' idiom, that has conquered the first line of such ads since decades, his suitable better half is expected to be "Soft","Romantic","Sweet". All of them put together would necessarily make a good music composition if not a good prospective bride.
Now let’s get to the irony of the idiom 'slim-fair-tail-smart girl':
“Fair” - It means, if you are wheatish/dark, you need not respond to this ad. Irrespective of how the groom looks, a social marriage in India begins and ends with the criticism of how the bride looks; the skin tone to be specific. The stereotypical Indian belief that “fair is beautiful” has led to a presumed hierarchy of individuals with “fair” complexion. And when it comes to such marriages, despite all the highly qualified aunts and uncles in his family, a wheatish bride is bound to be criticized upon; which is socially not acceptable by such morons.
“Slim-n-tall”: Despite that huge jelly-belly, the groom has wobbling out all the way, a slim wife is what he likes to carry around, making proud social introduction with his family and friends.
“Convent-educated”, “homely girI”: It means, she is supposedly a non-lesbian, virtuous, virgin.
And a “homely girl” is expected to be happy with a vacuous domestic life, cook for the family all day, repeatedly beg the guy for anything she wants, and is ready to spend the rest of her life tutoring their kids.
And here comes the cherry on top. "It would be great if she possesses a good singing voice and would listen to me...and Hope she also possess some interest in Cricket and Football like me ”. Introducing the new smart phone, that entertains you with its 15GHz dual speaker, its pre installed apps like CrickBuzz and StarSportsMob to help you catch live cricket and football matches. The phone's excellent voice recognition capacity would make it listen to you and follow your orders.. #LMAO
Such rib-tickling ads are worth ridiculing specially when you get a chance to assess the advertiser on similar
scales. Lot of these brides/grooms/their families still could not decide if they are looking for a life partner or a house keeper or a money making machine...!
And here is a list of a few ads you will "laugh":
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this….. ;-)
"I want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework"
(Dude, did you just say homework??)
"I love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok"
(Girls, Ok??)
"HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD
AND CCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH."
(Hey Reader, how dare you not laugh at this???) :D
And finally,
"To be married on feb-2015 working woman perferable”
(Wow! this guy has fixed his marriage date too! But yet to find a bride.. Any takers???)
Now let’s get to the irony of the idiom 'slim-fair-tail-smart girl':
“Fair” - It means, if you are wheatish/dark, you need not respond to this ad. Irrespective of how the groom looks, a social marriage in India begins and ends with the criticism of how the bride looks; the skin tone to be specific. The stereotypical Indian belief that “fair is beautiful” has led to a presumed hierarchy of individuals with “fair” complexion. And when it comes to such marriages, despite all the highly qualified aunts and uncles in his family, a wheatish bride is bound to be criticized upon; which is socially not acceptable by such morons.
“Slim-n-tall”: Despite that huge jelly-belly, the groom has wobbling out all the way, a slim wife is what he likes to carry around, making proud social introduction with his family and friends.
“Convent-educated”, “homely girI”: It means, she is supposedly a non-lesbian, virtuous, virgin.
And a “homely girl” is expected to be happy with a vacuous domestic life, cook for the family all day, repeatedly beg the guy for anything she wants, and is ready to spend the rest of her life tutoring their kids.
And here comes the cherry on top. "It would be great if she possesses a good singing voice and would listen to me...and Hope she also possess some interest in Cricket and Football like me ”. Introducing the new smart phone, that entertains you with its 15GHz dual speaker, its pre installed apps like CrickBuzz and StarSportsMob to help you catch live cricket and football matches. The phone's excellent voice recognition capacity would make it listen to you and follow your orders.. #LMAO
Such rib-tickling ads are worth ridiculing specially when you get a chance to assess the advertiser on similar
And here is a list of a few ads you will "laugh":
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this….. ;-)
"I want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework"
(Dude, did you just say homework??)
"I love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok"
(Girls, Ok??)
"HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD
AND CCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH."
(Hey Reader, how dare you not laugh at this???) :D
And finally,
"To be married on feb-2015 working woman perferable”
(Wow! this guy has fixed his marriage date too! But yet to find a bride.. Any takers???)
totally liked it ;) hilarious :P
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDeleteHahaha ekdum jhakaas
ReplyDeleteAwesome ananya ;) :D
ReplyDelete