A bowl of uneaten left overs slipped from her oily hand, and spilled everything on the kitchen floor. And she could not catch it with the other hand as it was also full of soiled plates, after dinner. She was stooping lower than her lowest grades in school, to collect the dirt and put it back into the dustbin, scared that she may be scolded for what just happened, when someone Like her mother hurled out, 'how do you hold a bowl that it slips off so easily!?"
A bag full of certificates that lies neglected somewhere in her father's home proved that she once was a good speaker, an elocusionist , an avid writer and a sometimes an academic achiever.
It was not until she moved into a new home with a new set of people that she realized that now on she would be judged not on the basis of her education, degrees and her talents.. but by the precision with which she could chop potatoes and cabbages..By the strength with which she could squeeze all the water out of washed clothes. By the aptness with which she could keep the kitchen and table clean. By how well she could drape a saree..
By how quiet she could keep and abide by unexplained protocols with the only hope that the winds of justice will someday sail her ship to a safe island.
While she looked for a home in the new place and a family amidst all the new people, she realized marriages are different from what she has seen so far.
Being the protagonist of an unapphrehended life, she realized she would never be a daughter in again. She did lose a major part of her self respect as she was being judged on capabilities that does not need education, or any values that she grew up with.
Her wedding teaser, once, portrayed her marriage, like one of those dreamy star studded things that every girl wants to have. She was blessed with the heaviest gold jewellery and lot of extravagance...Although she only prayed to find a family like her own, in the new home.
And then few weeks down the line she realized her prayers went unheard.
And then her learnings went on. Sometimes she learnt that she would never be chosen over the rest of the people. Not even once. Sometimes she learnt that embracing a new family in entirety also means that she is not supposed to have her spouse in seclusion for some time. Infact, even expecting such a seclusion is being disrespectful to the others in the same place. She learnt that her principles, values and feelings are nothing but a waste now. There is more aloneness associated with a lot of low self esteem, than ever before but may be by the time she learns to speaks up for herself, she will be used to lowered standards of life and living.. she will learn to be accepted as the 'last one' in the race.
And with all the learnings put together, if she would ever conceive a life inside her, once and for all she decided never to bring a girl child into this world.
